Two Lower East Side dive bars are not what they seem

Two of the Lower East Side’s finest bars are shrouded in irony.

Cake Shop and The Library are unpretentiously hip and unique dives, sort of. The Cake Shop is too multi-functional to be classified as a bar, and The Library’s back wall projector of an endless stream of cult movies detracts patrons from the front-counter seating. Speaking of irony, the former has no pastries (but $3 Rolling Rock cans), and the latter has a few novelty rank bookshelves out of arm’s reach.

Upon entering The Library, lasciviously dressed barmaids in low-cut garb serve affordable beer and lowbrow combos like The Pube – a shot of whiskey and a can of Natty Light. The best in punk, post-punk, indie pop and speed metal is blasted through speakers. You’ll hear more Pixies, Metallica and Smiths there than anyone else in the neighborhood. Lady Gaga’s LES hangout, on the other hand, wishes it has this kind of cred.

But the main attraction is the selection of depraved, vile B-movies and grindhouse pics on the big screen in the back. Some films have the awesomely bad quality, prompting you and your date to engage in a do-it-yourself Mystery Science Theater commentary. “Scanners” is a prime example because spontaneous combustion in the third act is still fun.

Other times, it takes it too far. Horror-exploitation classic “Blood Sucking Freaks” is grotesque beyond the realm of camp. The women are either topless or in bikinis while getting their brain sawed into by a Gene Wilder-type gone berserk and his ‘little person’ assistant. This pint-sized henchman is no Tony Cox, Peter Dinklage, elf or smurf; he’s pure evil. Violence is enacted with a skull-crushing vice, a bone saw, a meat cleaver and the goddamn anachronistic presence of a guillotine.

Two women abandoned their table to nestle amid a crowd by the bar up front. It takes both confidence and apathy to play that during peak hours on Saturday night. I don’t frequent this place enough to know how frequently “Videodrome” is played, but it would probably be gilded in a shrine.

Unabashedly plaintive pop and rock numbers, good beer and the unpredictable X-rated cinema pretty much sum up my expectations for a fun night.



Cake Shop is a lot more hands off albeit juggling multiple personalities. This amalgam of a records store, bar, music venue, coffeehouse and speakeasy puts the ball in your court. Their red velvet cake is a cool commodity but never the sole reason to visit. The ragged, vintage furniture situated incongruously always appears to be in a state of quiescence.

It’s a one of the few bars that promotes an interrupted, introspective conversation with friends and applies little-to-no pleasure to drink. No one will bug you if it takes you three hours to finish a design project on your Mac.

The Library - 7 Ave. A.
Apollo's Rating: B+

Cake Shop – 152 Ludlow St.
Apollo's Rating: A-

Photo Credits:
1 - The Library - nymag.com
2 - Cake Shop - urban75.org

Book Review: Cooking Dirty

Jason Sheehan or wannabe Anthony Bourdain? Award-winning culinary writer Jason Sheehan has finally released a memoir of his past experiences working in a very low-end restaurant after years of toil. Within the pages of Cooking Dirty, Sheehan describes the hardships of working in stressful, fast-paced environments.  Starting in restaurants as a dishwasher at age 15 and eventually becoming executive chef, followed by restaurant critic and food writer, Sheenan is quite the accomplished man.   That also applies to working 16 hour days, doing a never ending stream of drugs that pass before him, smoking upwards of three packs a day and being constantly drunk.

 

Sheehan describes this life as what happens in run-of-the-mill restaurants. From past experience, I can tell you that although some of this happens, not everyone partakes. It makes me think that Sheehan is even more desperately trying to recreate Bourdain's Kitchen Confidential in his own words, or the TV contracts and million or so dollars every year.  

Kitchen Confidential: Adventures in the Culinary Underbellly was one of the first tastefully written kitchen memoirs to describe what kitchens are really like. Bourdain went to Vassar College for journalism, has written additional novels and knows how to craft a hook to keep the reader engaged. Boudain describes what happened before the glamour the Food Network portrays, but Sheehan has taken it a bit overboard -- exaggerating, to some extent -- the drinking and cigarette smoking ex-cons working in today's restaurants.

Not only does he exaggerate, but he insists on repeating it over and over again in the book.  It becomes very boring after the first few chapters, at least to a professional. Sheehan makes it seem that all one can get from life as a chef is getting one's ass kicked night after night (true), drinking extraordinary amounts of alcohol, doing an assortment of pill cocktails, an occasional line of coke, smoking whatever comes your way, and being the FNG (f---ing new guy).

No real stories about food in this book exist independently of the aforementioned items. Besides, Sheehan constantly mentions that his love for food and the kitchen is what brings him back. It could be more like the perfect place for Sheehan's addiction for alcohol and drugs is the kitchen at work, and he gets paid for it.

Also, in today's kitchens, what happens in the past tends to stay in the past. Kitchens today are still busy and stressful, and getting slammed daily is a part of kitchen life. Drugs aren't exactly acceptable, food being discussion material, and drinks are only for after work (although many nights a week). Cooking is about the thrill of food, not the extracurricular activities associated with kitchen life. Cooking, though still genuinely blue collar, has also gained a little more professionalism in recent years. Instead of wannabe punk rock burnouts, people who are serious about food and cooking make up most of today's and tomorrow's future cooks.

Film review: The Hurt Locker

When I first heard the film title The Hurt Locker, it imbued in me a sense of wariness. I immediately inferred it would not meet my standards nor would it be something that appealed to me. Knowing nothing about it, I pictured a shirtless Channing Tatum 'stepping up 2 the streets' to reprise his role in a Fighting sequel. And, if it was set in Iraq, I hoped it wasn’t another Stop-Loss.

Fortunately, this Kathryn Bigelow film is nearly its antithesis, and the title refers to 'a place of ultimate pain,' not a pseudo-fight club for incorrigibles. She takes a fragmentary approach to the war in Iraq rather than making a grand statement, and she shows tremendous skill in capturing it. The Hurt Locker says more about the war experience than the batch of recent Iraq war cinematic flops of the past six years. The paucity of dead spots in its 131-running time demands your attention throughout.

Set in Baghdad in 2004, the film chronicles the remaining 38 days in the tour of the Army’s Explosive Ordnance Disposal squad, men trained to dismantle improvised explosive devices (IEDs). Staff Sgt. William James (Jeremy Renner) steps in to replace a deceased team leader. His cocky, rebellious attitude infringes upon a professional line of communication with Sgt. J.T. Sanborn (Anthony Mackie) and Spc. Owen Eldridge (Brian Geraghty, back to Iraq after Jarhead). The viewer feels like a member of the team as they inch closer to potentially deadly situations.

The episodic narrative structure is divided into a series of taut, intense set pieces. The first scene contains so much tension it becomes almost unbearable and the release of it is shocking but not gratuitous. Bigelow and screenwriter/imbedded freelance journalist Mark Boal worked particularly hard to ensure the explosions and brimming adrenaline did not dominate the show. Actions instead determine character when a reliance on dialogue and contrived soldier bonding scenes would have inadequately conveyed their lifestyle.

James and Sanborn are two different men with divergent goals and methods. This isn’t apparent in their first meeting on the base, but in the next scene on a mission, we suddenly know them well.

There is a tender moment involving a Capri Sun juicebox, among other wordless exchanges. The visual details – a hot kettle, a kite, James’ helmet - are a salient part of the mise-en-scene as the camera chooses to linger on them.

Guy Pearce, David Morse and Ralph Fiennes each have cameo-size roles respectively as a sergeant, colonel and contract team leader.

A few quibbles: a couple missions seemed unrealistic, and the ending could have been trimmed. Otherwise, this is one of the best films released so far this year and its magnetic, tenacious depiction of war enthralls you until the end.

Channing, I suggest you give it a try.

The Hurt Locker opens nationwide today.

HIPNESS RATING: 8 out of 10
ACTUAL RATING: 9 out of 10

Early Review: Hot Leg - Red Light Fever

Justin Hawkins is back with a vengeance.

He’s perhaps better known as the flamboyant and catsuit-clad frontman for defunct arena rock group The Darkness, and he’s got a new band: Hot Leg.

Hot Leg is Hawkins, guitarist Pete Rinaldi, bassist Samuel “SJ” Stokes, and drummer Darby Todd. The group released its debut album earlier this year, with the appropriately over-the-top title Red Light Fever, and is now touring to promote it.

Too bad it’s only available in northern Europe.

Hot Leg hasn’t secured distribution for the album outside the U.K. and Scandinavia, which means Hawkins’ remaining fans in the U.S. are still waiting.

Some Darkness backstory: the group was a Spinal Tap-esque mixture of massive hard rock hooks and rockstar-cliché silliness. The group recorded its debut album for a British indie record company before Atlantic Records picked it up. Permission to Land, shoddily mixed and recorded on a tight budget, went on to sell 3.5 million copies.



However, an expensively produced second album (One Way Ticket to Hell... And Back) failed to perform to expectations. The Darkness had achieved popularity in the United States and superstardom in the U.K., but it was all for naught.

Meanwhile, Hawkins embraced the hard rock excess that his band appeared to be parodying, consuming massive amounts of cocaine and alcohol. Indications are that he snorted most of his Darkness earnings. Supposedly, he and his bandmates are sleeping on floors while touring.

Why is all this worth mentioning? Because it helps explain the way Red Light Fever sounds. Hawkins’ larger-than-life persona only serves to make his music more fun.

Sue Whitehouse, Hawkins’ ex-girlfriend and The Darkness’ former manager (the Spinal Tap similarities are almost infinite) told SPIN magazine that Hawkins wrote many of these songs during the glory days of The Darkness.

And Red Light Fever could easily be a new Darkness album. Not to diminish the roles of his past and current bandmates, but the axe-slinging and larynx-shredding Hawkins owns every song.

Hot Leg stuffs every track with hair metal guitar riffs, thunderous drums and vocal harmonies that bounce off the very top of the human hearing range. There's one obvious standout, and it's the album's first single. “I’ve Met Jesus” is a blistering sumbitch of a jam. The chorus doesn’t even rhyme, but it’s a hook that drills straight into the pleasure center of your brain. Good luck shaking it.

“Trojan Guitar” is a holdover from the pompous bloat of One Way Ticket to Hell… And Back. It clocks in at over five minutes, and with loud-soft dynamics and heroic multiple-voiced dialogue, it’s essentially an update of “’39” from Queen’s classic A Night at the Opera.

Hawkins takes the cheese a little too far with “Gay in the 80s,” which could be an Electric Six song if Dick Valentine’s vocal dexterity suddenly quadrupled. He makes chicken noises on “Chickens” and emphasizes the “cock” in the chorus of “Cocktails.” All in all, it’s par for the course.

Only the sourest, most steadfastly serious Nickelback fan could manage to hold back a smile for Red Light Fever’s entire 35 minutes. What’s wrong with having giddy fun while listening to an album?

The Darkness is no more, but Hot Leg is definitely its spiritual successor. If the band’s debut is a mission statement, the newly sober Hawkins only intends to push the limits of musical absurdity to towering new heights. The world is better for it.

HIPNESS RATING: 3 out of 10
ACTUAL RATING: 8 out of 10

Early Review: Modest Mouse EP, No One’s First and You’re Next

The eight-track EP due out August 4 comes as an agglomeration of the B-sides and unreleased outtakes from the band’s last two full-length albums, We Were Dead Before the Ship Sank and Good News for People Who Love Bad News.
The EP’s substantive 33 minutes isn’t merely composed of filler tracks that spilled over from the last two LP efforts but instead tracks that hold their own without overreliance on radio-friendly hooks. Vocalist Isaac Brock’s spilling of the beans about the mini-album nearly two years early in a Rolling Stone interview did not quell the anticipation built up by its tight-knit contingent of fans.
“Autumn Beds” is a relatively softer, gentler track. “Perpetual Motion Machine” and “Satellite Skin” are pretty standard stuff.
The ethereal video for “Satellite Skin” reminded me of the Where the Wild Things Are trailer crossed with a crazy-ass dream Guillermo Del Toro had last night.

Promises have been made that the music video for “King Rat,” a We Were Dead Before the Ship Sank bonus track, directed by the late Heath Ledger in 2007 – with possible animation by Terry Gilliam – will sometime soon see the light of day. Modest Mouse hinted to its release in the near future.

Track listing:
1. Satellite Skin
2. Guilty Cocker Spaniels
3. Autumn Beds
4. The Whale Song
5. Perpetual Motion Machine
6. History Sticks To Your Feet
7. King Rat
8. I've Got It All (Most)

The late summer tour, kicking off in Halifax, Nova Scotia August 17, will head over to Ohio, California and Oregon, among other states, for the following month. Guitarist Johnny Marr’s a new member of the English indie rock band The Cribs, which has an album due out in September. Ergo, Jim Fairchild of Grandaddy is subbing in on Modest Mouse tour in the interim.
Tour info here: http://www.modestmouse.com/photoblog/tours/

No One's First and You're Next
HIPNESS RATING: 7 out of 10
ACTUAL RATING: 6 out of 10